On Friendships:Sometimes, well, let's be honest... a good chunk of the time, I love spending time with little 'ol me. I will shamelessly slip on headphones with no music to avoid getting sucked away during my lunch break. Or will pretend not to see a text or e-mail so that I can sip hot cocoa and read instead. It's not that I don't enjoy the company of others. And its not all the time. But life is crazy, hectic, and beautiful all wrapped into one and sometimes, my mind just needs to rest.
And perhaps what really scares me is groups of people. I struggle to know when a pause will come in the conversation to share, and I fear cutting people off. I try to limit what I share about myself, then run out of questions to ask others. How do you get to that balance? I worry that I come off as silly, stupid, too sarcastic and BORING. And this preoccupation with caring what others think leads me to forget what I'm saying mid-sentence, leave things unfinished, and I go back to wanting to cuddle up on the couch and hide!
Sometimes I like to make up a diagnosis for these actions: serial friendshipist. For as long as I can remember, I have one great friend. These friendships go great, but then I tend to isolate all my other friends (and other people) in the mix, till I've exhausted that friendship. Growing up, my Mom always insisted that I have a group of friends, instead of just one great friend. Maybe I just like to rebel. But truthfully, I struggle with being too critical of others. I let the silliest and most simple things bother me and read into everything. But I'm trying and I know that I can be a good friend. That's what encourages me to take off those headphone and answers those e-mails. Even if its not every day, I hope in time to find balance.
This post is part of series lead by Ez of Creature Comforts and Jess Constable's article on Things I'm Afraid to Tell You. Through this series, we hope to encourage the blogging community to share the personal things that are really on their minds.